You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize