Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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