once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize