There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
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He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
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Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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