eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
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day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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