Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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