so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I just found puke in my bra..
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
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I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
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Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
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