I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
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I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
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No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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