Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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