he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
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The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
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I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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