I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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