oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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