Don't make out with my wife yet
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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