Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize