I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
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Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
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The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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