i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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