Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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