Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
That's how pantless uber rides happen
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize