i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
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All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
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Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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