In America we eat man semen.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize