Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Randomize