I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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