He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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