Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
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