Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
OPIZZABONMYDICK
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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