I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
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Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
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I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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