Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(732): View more from New Jersey

I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.

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(732): I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa. http://tfl.nu/0g11

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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste

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(484): im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste http://tfl.nu/zz8f

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(209): View more from California

He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7

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(209): He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7 http://tfl.nu/6n0p

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(216): View more from Ohio

So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab

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(216): So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab http://tfl.nu/z45l

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people

(617): View more from Massachusetts

I would be honored to be that friend.

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(978): I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people (617): I would be honored to be that friend. http://tfl.nu/ohrl

Replies (22) Good night (5817) Bad night (559)
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(951): View more from California

better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???

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(951): better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life??? http://tfl.nu/fjyx

Replies (14) Good night (5902) Bad night (678) Order T-Shirt
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(559): View more from California

today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.

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(559): today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus. http://tfl.nu/murq

Replies (73) Good night (1017) Bad night (4203) Order T-Shirt
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(917): View more from New York City

so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...

(845): View more from New York

Are you serious?

(917): View more from New York City

yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...

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(917): so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head... (845): Are you serious? (917): yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it... http://tfl.nu/iiih

Replies (25) Good night (757) Bad night (4337)
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(251): View more from Alabama

Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.

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(251): Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game. http://tfl.nu/jamc

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(303): View more from Colorado

Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.

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(303): Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent. http://tfl.nu/g68o

Replies (7) Good night (1435) Bad night (3722)
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(647): View more from Ontario

Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.

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(647): Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral. http://tfl.nu/3rm8

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(618): View more from Illinois

He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."

(224): View more from Illinois

Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.

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(618): He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you." (224): Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out. http://tfl.nu/vy5b

Replies (7) Good night (1564) Bad night (674)
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(847): View more from Illinois

That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am

(248): View more from Michigan

Hahaha. That's funny.

(847): View more from Illinois

But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship

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(847): That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am (248): Hahaha. That's funny. (847): But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship http://tfl.nu/cr13

Replies (6) Good night (3056) Bad night (424)
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(817): View more from Texas

Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.

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(817): Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it. http://tfl.nu/xes0

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(847): View more from Illinois

How was it playing wingman?

(312): View more from Illinois

I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed

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(847): How was it playing wingman? (312): I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed http://tfl.nu/t31c

Replies (3) Good night (723) Bad night (315)

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