hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize