my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
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There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
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We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize