I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
It all started with a game of naked twister.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
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