omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
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I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
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Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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