CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
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I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
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Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
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