I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Randomize