On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
she smelled like a LAN party
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Another day, another engagement, another cat
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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