her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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