I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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