well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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