so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize