You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
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But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
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She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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