why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
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I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
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If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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