So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize