what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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