i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize