mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize