I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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