im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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