I can't breathe out the right side of my face
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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