ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
She's like a pop up book from hell.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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