p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
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