how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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